Ode to Betty Jo - "It's About the Heart"

Ode to Betty Jo –“It’s About Our Hearts”

It was possibly as early as 1982, surely no later than 1984. I remember dates according to which baby was on my hip at the time, and whether or not I was still breast-feeding him. Since my youngest son travelled with me back and forth to Rosenberg for some of this time, (I remember putting him in the babies’ nursery and his resistance to that), I am going to assume that is was 1982 or ’83.
I was in a stand-off with God. It happens. This position is not always a wise one, I can tell you, but I can also tell you that it is proof of God’s eternal grace and patience with us…that is, that I am still here and alive to even tell you that I was in a stand-off with God. I was trying not to have any relationship with the “Eternally Divine One” for any reason; ‘didn’t happen.
My trusted friend and side-kick of many years, Cindi, observed this, and in her mercy giftings hauled me out to Rosenberg with her. She’d “discovered” the teaching ministry of Betty Jo Frank. Betty Jo and Gene, her husband, had founded a church out there: “The Church of Living Waters.” On the “Church Calendar of Historical Events and Markers,” (that exists in my mind), this type of church, being “led by the Spirit,” was springing up in many places across the nation. Leaders and followers separated from the comfort and constraint of their traditional denominations to venture out into uncharted waters, lift their sails, haul up the spinnaker, and with the wind at their backs, propel outward and onward and upward. But, as we all know now, new waters always have rip tides, swells and occasional tsunamis.
We did that a lot back then: venture out. Cindi and me. Skeptical and cynical, with a closed heart and mind and spirit, I entered the sanctuary where the Bible Study was being held. They were singing those “songs I had grown to hate.” Choruses of casual verses were now triggers for me, stimulating memories I was trying to forget: Tsunami moments. But too tired to fight Cindi, I went, I stood and I sang anyway – though in my heart and mind and inner child, I was sitting down and silent.
Then “She” got up and began to speak. Her first words pierced through all of my defenses, and like the proverbial sheep tangled in the barbed wire, cornered and rescued by The Shepherd, I was caught, placed on those really BIG shoulders, and was being brought back to the safety of the flock. Only the likes of Betty Jo Frank in that moment of the “Church Calendar of Historical Events and Markers,” would have had that sort of impact. She was the one. And over the years, as I have watched with wonder when so many other sheep entangle themselves in the barbed wire, I have either said to them or thought to myself, “What is needed here is a big dose of Betty Jo.”
Back then, Betty Jo’s message was based on the text from Hebrews Chapter 4 in the New Testament. She taught from the whole chapter, but the body of the message was from Hebrews Chapter 4: 12-15. I just looked it up in the Bible that I have had for about 34 years, and would have used back then. Those verses are carefully underlined. As I recall, the name of the teaching series was “Possessing the Land of the Mind, Will and Emotions.” She used the Greek word, “marismos,” the “dividing asunder,” to refer to the entire text, her teaching and the process. The intention of the teaching was the inner healing of the soul, the psyche, and identifying roots of pride, fear, religion, anger, rejection, etc. that so often motivate our behavior. They were the “counterfeit voices of the Spirit,” masking themselves as truth that often justified our bad behavior, cloaking it in religious righteousness. Betty Jo had done her homework, having steeped herself in the teachings of the likes of such sages as Watchman Nee and others, who, back then, were respected and sometimes revered for their deep wisdom and insight by many seekers and sailors.
For me, it was a moment in time for transformation from the inside out, and I parked there for about two years, I think. The life-changing experience was filled with monumental moments. I remember Betty Jo’s wisdom; the timbre in her voice. Her classic one-liners accompanied with her physical antics that were often met with great hilarity and joy, have come back to me on several occasions as reminders. We were able to laugh at ourselves in our healing process. I could probably quote much of her teaching on “Possess the Land…” I won’t . It not only would be worth it to anyone who is exhausted from wandering in the wilderness of their present circumstances to search this out for themselves, but also it came to me through my personal filters and history, hitting the target where I needed to heal at the time. I highly recommend her teaching from the early 80’s. Betty Jo was a major marker, and her wisdom is eternally relevant. For me, the revelation of the difference of being led by the voice of the soul, (the mind, will and emotions), versus being led by the Spirit, was an opportunity for a metamorphosis both intellectually and spiritually. It was a great epiphany, and to date, some of the most powerful and effective teaching I have ever heard. She often referred to her daughter Keitha in her talks, telling her, “Keitha, it is a matter of the condition of the heart”… “It’s about our hearts.” (i.e. as opposed to being religiously, doctrinally “right”).
Part of the purpose of the teaching was a restoration of who we were, are, and were intended to be, and embracing those gifts and talents. I, ironically, ended that season by dancing all around the sanctuary. The Spirit at that time knew better than my soul, that somewhere down the line, dance was a gift, that God, for some strange reason, would have me explore again…my dance needed reclamation. At the time, it was bewildering. So, I have Betty Jo to thank for that too.
Betty Jo Frank and her daughter Keitha were brutally murdered by her son-in-law, Keitha’s husband, this past December between Christmas 2009 and New Year’s 2010. All four of the grandchildren were present and witnessed the murder. He was a guard in the prison system out in Rosenberg. At this writing, he is still on the loose, and has made the list on “America’s Most Wanted.” The more details emerging from this horrible situation reveal how deeply sick, psychotic and troubled this man is. He is a serious danger. I was out of town celebrating the holidays with family when I got the call from Cindi. We are both still in shock about it all. She told me what she had heard, (also reported on the local news), that Betty Jo confronted her attacker, her son-in-law she had loved and tried to help. He had already stabbed Keitha, her daughter, (as she slept). But Betty Jo, urging her granddaughter to call 911, stood between him and her grandchildren, his children, saying, “You need help. God can help you. Even now, you can come to God; Even now.” She died an horrific death with God on her lips.
Of course I have wrestled with God about all of this, as all of us who knew her have, wondering “God, what were You thinking!?” I certainly asked God that when I first began the exit from the fog. In my denial and shock and need to understand, I personally wish Betty Jo would have used a shotgun aimed at a very specific anatomical area of his body, and prayed for him later. But that was not Betty Jo. I write about this incident because it has to do with domestic violence and abuse, and women’s’ special healthcare needs, and is directly related to the mission statement of Bere’sheet Ballet. In my longer-than-I-care-to-recall history with victims as well as perpetrators of domestic violence and abuse, and let me interject here, that many of the victims have been male as well as female, is that the primary and primitive instinctive and initial response of the victim is: “It must be me. I deserved this. I must have done something to make him (or her or my parent) so angry. ” That is one of the signs. It is usually the one being abused who is trying so hard to change and adjust.
The comment that I have most often heard about the murderer in Betty Jo’s case is “There were no signs. The abuse had only been verbal.” Since verbal abuse is, well… abuse, I assumed that is where it always begins. But not always. I have recently learned, after talking with a couple of therapists, though the verbal abuse can be the precursor, it does not always end in physical abuse. A friend of mine, who is a marriage and family therapist, says that in some extreme cases, nothing can really be discerned without a Mood Survey, which reveals more than outward behavior. In addition, she added, there is nothing wrong in feeling anger: “It is a secondary emotion,” meaning, behind the anger is another problem that is driving the anger. The possibilities there are numerous. “It is the problem that is under the anger that needs to be taken care of.”
Another therapist I spoke to allows couples in counseling to argue, but they cannot use abusive or angry words, curse words, foul language, profanity, accusations, shaming, embarrassing phrases, sarcasm, mocking, and cannot shout or yell. It has a tendency to take the fire and the fury out of the fight, but still allows the expression of the anger and frustration. (There is not a lot of sting in expletives like “Phooey,” “Gosh Darn it”and“Geez”). Both therapists know that in couples counseling when one of the spouses, (for example, the husband), has abusive behavior, and is taking responsibility for it, the other person, (the wife) has to look at “her own stuff.” Does she have any responsibility here? What is her part in possibly provoking the frustration? And vice versa.
Author, (I Don’t Want To Talk About It), psychologist, and psychotherapist, Dr. Terrence Real makes a distinction between a 21st century male and a 19th century male: Since men have been in power for so long, they have been slow to realize the dramatic changes that took place in their immediate world, (to them), almost overnight. It is his observation that over the last couple of decades, generally speaking, “…women have changed and men have not…” Often times the man is confused and overwhelmed with the emotional needs of his wife, and her criticism if he has not met those needs. Somehow he has to guess what that is. Males who are “verbally castrated” become highly dysfunctional. Generally speaking, with females usually the more articulate, it is easy for a woman to overwhelm a man by just talking too much: “Logorrhea,” and by nagging and criticism. And of course the reverse is true.
Chronically critical, controlling, angry and frustrated people, who talk too much, end up dominating, intimidating and controlling others with words. Perfectionists, in their demand for perfection, fear of losing control, and obsession with being right, intimidate everyone around them, because no one can ever “get it right.” It is why all of us, (viscerally), want to “get away from them.” They put out negative energy, to say the least. It was what Betty Jo exposed…those roots in our soul…fear and anger and pride and control….soul forces that bring death.
“Life and Death are in the power of the tongue.” Betty Jo challenged us often about what was “Coming out of our mouths?” quoting “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. “ Were we “speaking life?” ..."The Spirit, (not the soul), always brings life.” We all know that physical abuse often can be provoked by verbal abuse: By being bullied and belittled either verbally or physically. We have suffered horribly as a nation from children gone mad and violent who had been mocked and bullied, and one day they explode.
Keitha’s situation was well advanced beyond all of this, but had its beginnings and warning signals early on. Obviously her husband is a seriously sick, paranoid and dangerous person, had been that way a long time, and needs to be caught and incarcerated. It is a tragedy beyond belief that Betty Jo’s own daughter, Keitha, did not effectively get away. It could have saved many lives.
Abusive relationships: both the abuser and the abused require specific, professional help: Counseling, behavior modification, and inner transformation: metamorphosis. Metamorphosis and marismos brings me back to God and Betty Jo as a person with spiritual power and authority as a minister and her place in the “Historical Events and Markers on the Church Calendar.” She has a place there. The word “martyr” surfaced in the days of calming down after the news. During a prayer time the other morning, in my imagination, I saw her focused and intent on saving the lives of her grandchildren, standing between them and him, confronting the enemy with the hope of life in her mouth.

Right now, martyrdom is the only answer that brings me any measure of peace, which is a tiny microscopic measure. Martyrdom is something that we in the Church in America have been able to escape for several years. We prefer to read feel good books written by positive thinking Christian ministers, goading us to be and do and obtain our best and the best…instead of Fox’s Little Book of Martyrs. I know that applies to me! When that word surfaced I remembered one morning when we were “out at Betty Jo’s.” She shared her trip to the Holy Land, and how “convicted, “as a Protestant Evangelical, she had been when she had visited the sacred sites. A little nun shooed her away when she was standing on “holy ground” as a casual tourist, unaware of the significance of where she was. In her transparent way she told us the story, confessing her blasé attitude and ignorance about these holy historical places, newly realizing the respect they deserved.
And now she deserves the same. Maybe she'd visited Rome and saw the ground in the ruins of the Coliseum…

Betty Jo, thank you. Thank you, God for the gift of Betty Jo and the time she was here.

Copyright: Marie Plauche’-Gustin; Ash Wednesday, February, 2010

If you or anyone you know: (a Senior Citizen, an adult or child), may be in an abusive situation, or a victim of domestic violence, here are some sources for help:

~Adult or Children’s Protective Services of Harris County in Houston, Texas at 713-755-5000

~The Houston Area Women’s Center, 1010 Waugh Drive, 713-535-6331.

~ Mental Health America of Greater Houston Area: 713-522- 5161

~MHMRA: 713-970-7070 ~Crisis Hotline: 713-HOTLINE ~For help and support with destructive behavior at any level, and/or addiction of any category, another option is attending group support at a “Celebrate Recovery” meeting which meets in several places : (http://www.celebraterecovery.com/)

~In an emergency, call 911.